Fond FarewellHow to leave a message for loved ones after you die
The simplest way to leave a message for after you die is to write it now and give it to someone you trust with clear instructions. Everything else (apps, scheduled emails, account tools) solves one practical problem: making sure it actually reaches each person at the right time.
Start with what you want to say
Before choosing how to deliver it, decide who you're writing to and what each person needs to hear. Most last messages come down to a few things:
- Love and gratitude. Say it plainly. People reread these words for years.
- A memory. One specific moment says more than a list of adjectives.
- Permission. To be happy again, to move on, to not feel guilty about the last conversation.
- Anything unfinished. An apology, a thank-you, a piece of advice you never got round to.
Our guide on what to write in a farewell letter has structures and examples for partners, children, parents and friends.
Five ways to make sure it's delivered
1. A sealed letter given to someone you trust
Write one letter per person, seal and label each envelope, and give them to a person who will outlive the decision: an executor, a sibling, a close friend. Tell them what's in the bundle and when to hand it out. Good for: anyone, no technology. Watch out for: the letters being lost, opened early or forgotten, and the burden on one person to deliver them during their own grief.
2. A letter kept with your will
Many solicitors and attorneys will store a personal letter alongside your will (sometimes called a letter of wishes). It's read when the estate is handled, which can be weeks after the funeral. It isn't legally binding, so keep anything about money or property in the will itself.
3. Your account's built-in legacy tools
Google Inactive Account Manager can email up to 10 people a message you write after your account has been inactive for a period you choose, and share account data. Apple Legacy Contact gives chosen people access to your Apple account data after death, but doesn't send a message. Both are free and worth setting up anyway.
4. A dead man's switch email service
These services email you regularly and send your messages if you stop responding. They work without anyone having to act, which is also the risk: illness, travel or a lost phone can look like death to an automated check-in.
5. An app built for last messages
Apps like Fond Farewell hold a separate message for each person and deliver it when a trigger fires. In Fond Farewell's case, the trigger is a trusted contact you chose reporting your death, after which you get 48 hours to cancel, and each person receives an email with your note and a private link to your video. Compare the options side by side on our comparison page.
Whichever way you choose
- Tell someone it exists. A message nobody knows about may never be found.
- Write one per person. A shared letter to "everyone" is easy to write and rarely what people treasure.
- Review it once a year. Relationships, addresses and phone numbers change. A birthday or New Year's Day is a good reminder.
- Keep it kind. Last words carry enormous weight. Settle scores in person, or not at all.
- Don't put secrets in it that would hurt the living without thinking hard about who reads it, when, and with what support.
- Keep practical information separate. Passwords, bank details and funeral wishes belong in your will, a password manager's emergency access or a funeral plan, not in a love letter.
A short example
Five sentences is enough. It doesn't need to be polished; it needs to be in your words.
Leave your own messages with Fond Farewell
Fond Farewell holds a note and a video for each person you choose and emails them only after someone you trust reports your death, with 48 hours for you to cancel.
Free to set up and try. $29.99 one-time to turn on delivery. No subscription.iPhone and iPad. Mac, Android and Windows are coming soon.