Pre-planning a funeral: a checklist (and where personal messages fit)

Updated 2026-10-28 · Fond Farewell guides

Pre-planning a funeral means writing down your wishes, and optionally arranging or paying for them, so your family doesn't have to guess in the worst week of their lives. It takes an afternoon to start. This checklist covers the decisions, the paperwork, and the part most plans leave out: what you want to say to the people you love.

1. Decide the basics

• Burial, cremation or another option (such as green burial or body donation).
• Where: cemetery, plot, scattering place, or a place for ashes.
• Type of gathering: funeral service, memorial, celebration of life, private family only, or none.
• Religious or cultural traditions you want followed, and anyone who should lead.
• Readings, music, photos, flowers or donations in lieu of flowers.
• Clothing, jewellery or objects to be buried or cremated with you.
• Anything you don't want.

2. Write it down and share it

• Put your wishes in one document. Many funeral homes offer a free planning form; a simple letter works too.
• Give copies to your next of kin and your executor. Don't leave the only copy in a safe-deposit box that can't be opened quickly.
• Mention where it's kept in your will.

3. Gather the documents your family will need

• Full legal name, date and place of birth, and parents' names (needed for the death certificate).
• ID numbers, such as Social Security or national insurance numbers.
• Military discharge papers if you're a veteran (they can qualify you for burial benefits).
• Will, insurance policies and any prepaid funeral contract.
• A short life summary for the obituary: education, work, family, what you loved.

4. If you're talking to a funeral home about prepaying

In the US, the FTC's Funeral Rule gives you the right to an itemized price list and to choose only the goods and services you want. Before signing a pre-need contract, ask:

• Exactly what's included, and what's left for the family to pay.
• Where the money is held (trust or insurance) and what happens if the funeral home closes or is sold.
• Whether you can cancel and get a refund, and whether the plan transfers if you move.
• Whether prices are locked in.

Non-profits such as the Funeral Consumers Alliance publish free guides on comparing prices and pre-need plans.

5. Make a list of who to tell

Families often struggle to reach everyone: old friends, former colleagues, clubs, professional associations. Write a list with contact details, and say who should be called personally and who can hear by email or a group message.

6. Choose who will be in charge

Name the person you'd like to make arrangements, and tell them. In many places you can formally appoint someone to control your funeral arrangements; ask a local attorney or funeral director what applies where you live.

7. Leave the personal part: messages to the people you love

A funeral plan tells your family what to do. It doesn't tell them what you felt. This is the step most plans skip, and often the one families value most. Consider:

• A short letter to each person closest to you. See what to write in a farewell letter.
• A short video for those you'd most like to see your face and hear your voice. See legacy video messages.
• A note to the wider circle (friends, colleagues, mentors) who might otherwise hear second-hand.
• Words for the service, if you'd like something read aloud.

Fond Farewell handles the delivery: you leave a note and an optional video for each person, the same person who'll manage your arrangements can be your trusted contact, and each message is emailed 48 hours after they report your death, unless you cancel. Funeral directors and pre-planning advisers are welcome to recommend it to families; it's free to set up and try.

Printable checklist

• ☐ Burial / cremation / other decided
• ☐ Location chosen
• ☐ Service type and traditions noted
• ☐ Music, readings, flowers or donations noted
• ☐ Wishes written down and shared with next of kin and executor
• ☐ Personal details for the death certificate collected
• ☐ Will, insurance and any prepaid contract located
• ☐ Funeral home price list and pre-need terms reviewed (if prepaying)
• ☐ List of people to notify, with contact details
• ☐ Person in charge chosen and told
• ☐ Personal messages written or recorded for the people you love
• ☐ Reviewed this year