"Just in case" letters for military families and first responders

Updated 2026-10-28 · Fond Farewell guides

Many service members write a letter before deployment to be opened only if they don't come home. Firefighters, police officers, paramedics and other first responders do the same. Writing one isn't expecting the worst; it's making sure the people you love never have to wonder what you would have said.

What to put in a "just in case" letter

• Love, plainly said. Your family knows the risks of your work; tell them what they mean to you anyway.
• Why you do the job. Children especially may want to understand, years later, what you believed in.
• Permission and release. That it isn't their fault, that they're allowed to be angry, and to be happy again.
• Something for each child, written for who they'll be at 18, not only who they are now.
• Your crew or unit. A line about the people who stood next to you can help your family connect with them.

Keep it personal. Wishes about money, guardianship and funeral arrangements belong in your will and official paperwork.

One letter per person

A single letter "to my family" is easier to write but harder to receive. Your partner, each child and your parents will each read it looking for themselves. Even three lines each is better than one shared page. See what to write in a farewell letter for structure and prompts.

Record a video too

For young children, a short video of you reading a bedtime story or saying goodnight can be watched again and again. See how to record a legacy video.

Keep it updated

Rewrite before each deployment, or once a year for first responders. Kids grow, relationships change, and an old letter can say the wrong thing.

Make sure it gets delivered

• Tell someone it exists: a spouse, a parent, a trusted friend or your chaplain.
• Keep your official paperwork current. In the US military, that includes your Record of Emergency Data (DD Form 93), which names who is notified, and your SGLI life-insurance beneficiaries. First responders should check their department's emergency contact and beneficiary forms and the line-of-duty death benefits that apply to them; in the US that includes the federal Public Safety Officers' Benefits (PSOB) program.
• Don't rely on one paper copy in a footlocker or locker.

Fond Farewell is one option for delivery: you record a note and a video for each person, and a trusted contact you choose (a spouse, a parent, a fellow service member) can report your death. You're notified first and have 48 hours to cancel with one tap, so a mistaken report during a communications blackout doesn't send anything if you can respond; if you can't respond within 48 hours, delivery goes ahead. Each person then receives an email with your note and a private link to your video.

For the family at home

If your loved one hands you a sealed letter, it can be hard to hold. You don't have to talk about it, and you don't have to write one back, though some families do write letters to each other. Store it somewhere safe and agreed, and let it be what it is: a precaution, written with love.